Friday, May 30, 2008

Joke from Mom

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'

The other replies, 'Oh, sure I do.'

The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?'

The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'

After a few moments, the first old lady asks,

'Who drives you to the beach?'

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Thursday, May 22, 2008


This video is a bit over 8 minutes. Watch all of it! Unbelievable!!!

Twit ! What?

from Banky for President:

Hello Ms. Spyderweb,

I wanted to let you know of an event happening next friday May 30th. 1st known KC "Tweet-up" 6:30 -7:00 at the KCP&L district. @QueenOFSpain is going to be in town.

If you could help pimp this out, it would be great.


Here's a something about her:

BlogHer in Second Life producer, and BlogHer’s Act project manager for, I write for the Huffington Post, and MOMocrats.

She sounds interesting. It should be fun.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Right is Wrong

I've been on Paul Hipp's email list for a while now. Here's the article about this song.

Newfie joke

A Newfie walked into a bank in Toronto and asked for the loans officer. He told the loans officer that he was going to Newfoundland on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000.

However since he was not a depositor of the bank. The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan.

The Newfie handed over his keys to a new Ferrari that was parked on the street in front of the bank.

The Newfie produced the title and everything checked out.

The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Newfie for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Newfie returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07.

The loan officer said, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.

While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?'

The Newfie replied: 'Where else in Toronto can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?'

Ah, Newfies..... See! Salt Beef is good for the brain.

So sorry!

I'm so sorry for many things. I've neglected you. I've been so busy that I haven't blogged. I have twittered some but it's just not the same. I have things to write about but have been too tired, too busy....

The last few days have been influenced by death. My boss' 29 year old child died violently & unexpected. The effect that that has had on me, my department, my boss has been overwhelming. My brother was killed in a car accident when he was 21 years old. I was 22. There is no returning to the old normal. You find a new normal. But the wound is still there. This week has picked at the 29 year old scab. And surprise the blood is running. I feel guilty for feeling my pain when that family has this new & fresh pain. I'm so sorry. Visitation, funeral....

My good friend Dan has had Death visit his family this week. But Death's kiss of slumber was sweeter. A strong woman of strong faith has no fear of Death. She had time to prepared for this. We can truly rejoice in a life fully lived, no longer in it's prime. I'm sorry that I never met her.

And tonight....Death is not an option. We love you too much. Do you have any idea what that would do to your brother? He would feel like he had let you down, that he failed you. Life can be hard. Believe me I know. But with friends & family to help we all get by. Please allow them to help. I'm so sorry that we aren't physically there for you. But Kanga will come out in the Fall to see you. I'm sorry that I won't see you on my trip to Canada.

I want a 22 & I'll join the NRA

Kanga wrote about Saturday's target practice. Here are a few photos:
This top one is my first time shooting a pistol. The second is Kanga's. Tom said we were naturals. Coming from an instructor and friend we were pleased. He's not the type to BS a person. He's straight up, all business. Especially when dealing with guns. I grew up around guns just not pistols. My mom had shot bears in our backyard up in Canada. We Roy women are tough.

I think we Dems should get guns & join the NRA. That should scared the bullshit out of them!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

In honor of Janet

Janet, I hope you are feeling perky!

Breaking News:

CBC reports, that gas stations will soon start showing PORN movies on the screens of the pumps, so that you can see someone else getting screwed at the same time you do !!..........

Backcountry Survival

Check out this website : Backcountry Survival

Looks like I could waste a lot of time checking it out. I might pick up some good tips.

Another joke sent by Mom

I've never seen this one before.


Children write about the sea:

1) This is a picture of an octopus.. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)

2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent.. ( Wayne age 7)

4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

5) A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)

6) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean.Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William age 7)

8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. And how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen age 6)

9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.
(Christopher age 7)

11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8)

13) On holidays my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her fat ass. (Jule age 7)

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Joke, well maybe closer to the truth than......

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.
'I'd like to be six again,' she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again??'
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you idiot!'
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


This is bad in so many ways. Click here for the story. And if that wasn't bad enough here's the last paragraph.

Prosecutors said the victim escaped by running away in 2005. She now loves in the Kansas City area.

WTF? She still in bizniz?????

Monday, May 12, 2008

Can I borrow a cup of Electricity?

I was supposed to plant flowers in our flower boxes tonight. But it wasn't to be. Kanga took his pickup loaded with the weekly trash up our driveway to the north end of our property to our dumpster. Unfortunately he had to drive backward all the way back. A huge tree had fallen across the driveway. Unfortunately it was too far from the house to run our extension cords for my electric chainsaw. We tried using Coleman Powerworks plugged into the pickup to juice up my chainsaw. It just wasn't powerful enough. So I walked over to our neighbor & asked if I could borrow a cup of Electricity. Yup that's what I said to our neighbor to the north of us. We plugged our extension cords together to their outlet. Kanga took a shortcut through the woods to shorten the distance. I cut & he loaded the pickup with the cut wood. I love to use my chainsaw but I had had hoped to get my impatiens planted. Guess I'm being impatient.

The Urinal Is Too High ..

A group of 2nd, 3rd and 4th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack
(Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boy's up one by one holding onto their wee wees to direct the flow. As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the 4th grade."

"No, ma'am, " he replied. "I'm the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the seventh.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

I would have said Sugar Smacks!

You Are Fruit Loops

You're very fun loving and easily bored.

You need everything in your life to be over the top.

You are definitely attracted to shiny and colorful objects.

If kids love something, you tend to love it as well.

You a very short attention span and are easily distracted.

You are likely to eat something very random for breakfast... or forget to eat it at all.

Friday, May 09, 2008

Mother's day & more

At the bar last night Logtar said I was the mom of the group! LOL! You can bring my mother's day gifts to the next blogger gathering! :-)

My youngest sibling birthday today. I called Canada to wish her a Happy Birthday. I didn't mention that it was 40 years to her. I'm sure others will. She sounded in good spirits considering her girlfriends got her so drunk last night that she walked home from the bar ( 3 blocks). My brother in law is throwing a surprise family birthday party for her tonight. But her daughter spilled the beans. So she was picking up the house when I called.

Don't forget to call your moms or even better go see her. Mine's 1300 miles away so I will call.

Friday Joke

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar.
She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed; "Give the ballerina a drink!"
The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.
She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked; "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said: "Give the ballerina another drink!"
The bartender approached the little drunk and said; "I say, old chap, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"
The drunk replied; "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has to be a ballerina!"

Thursday, May 08, 2008

How do you say "Damn that was good!" in Spanish?

Quick recap of tonight's Blogger Gathering

Was held at: Rincon Colombiano 611 N 6th St, Kansas City, KS 66101 (913) 281-3900

Who showed up: / BitterSweetLife and lovely wife Lindsay New to the group
Average Jane /Kansas City Kitty
Banky For President New to the group
Bea's Weblog
Beneath the Ginko-Kanga
Hip Suburban White Guy
Logtar's Blog
M.Toast Hivemind
Sponge Worthy

Afterwards some of us went down to at Fatt Matt's Vortex & met up with:
Well Hell Michelle

Guess who was working there:
Mushroom Cloud in the Midwest

We met Fatt Matt as we were walking in. He was coming in on on all fours. Food & conversation was great. Another fun night. Don't forget the gathering for Iron Man this Saturday. I'm sorry we will miss it. But we do plan on being at Keith & Janet's for the BBQ.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Spend it wisely

Help America - spend your rebate wisely.

The federal government is sending each and every one of us $300 to $600
rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China . If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs. If we purchase a computer it will go to India . If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras , and Guatemala . If we purchase a car it will go to Japan . If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy. The only way to keep that money here at home is to buy beer since this is the only product still produced in the US.

Thank you for your help.

I'll drink to that!!!

email from my mother in law

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Kansas City Bloggers May Gathering

Thursday May 8th, 6:30PM

at Rincon Colombiano

611 N 6th St
Kansas City, KS 66101
(913) 281-3900

Logtar & Bea will be our native guides to Colombian cuisine. Please RSVP to me (myspyderweb at so we can have a head count for tables since this is restaurant & not a bar. Come & enjoy good food and good company. All bloggers & readers are welcome.

Can life get any busier?

We shut the computers down Thursday because of the bad weather. And then on Friday Kanga flew to Dallas to join his step dad to go to a Roger Waters concert. Hope I spelled his name correctly. Anywho... I didn't want to post that Kanga was gone until he was back. Well, he's almost back. His flight lands around 7:30 pm tonight. So this is what I did while he was away. Friday happy hour at O'Dowd's where I was introduced to a nice Stella Artois, with supper at Accurso's (their red pepper cream sauce was a home run) afterwards. Then I had a girlfriend come over for a movie & sleepover.

Side note: After writing about my Accurso's meal I had to stop writing this post to heat up & eat my leftovers. Damn that was good!

Kanga just called from the airport!!!

Back to what I telling you. Girlfriend, Prof J., need a cat fix & Kanga doesn't like for me to be alone when he's gone. J & I both love Johnny Depp. My mother in law had sent me Secret Window. But after the dog is murdered in the movie we both decided it was too scary for us. Especially when I still had to go out on my property to get my dogs out of their pen. So we decided to watch my Netflix choice Must Love Dogs. Loved it! Then I brought the dogs in for the night. Needless to say they were glad to see a visitor. Saturday morning started with baked cinnamon rolls & hot tea. Great weather!!! Then on to Brookside Art Fair. Followed with lunch at La Cucina Di Mamma. I had their pizza Margherita. Wonderful! Prof J had to go grade papers. Ugh! Poor her!I came home & took a nap. Kanga should be home any moment & we still have the rest of the weekend. Hope you're out having fun.