Wednesday, May 21, 2008

So sorry!

I'm so sorry for many things. I've neglected you. I've been so busy that I haven't blogged. I have twittered some but it's just not the same. I have things to write about but have been too tired, too busy....

The last few days have been influenced by death. My boss' 29 year old child died violently & unexpected. The effect that that has had on me, my department, my boss has been overwhelming. My brother was killed in a car accident when he was 21 years old. I was 22. There is no returning to the old normal. You find a new normal. But the wound is still there. This week has picked at the 29 year old scab. And surprise the blood is running. I feel guilty for feeling my pain when that family has this new & fresh pain. I'm so sorry. Visitation, funeral....

My good friend Dan has had Death visit his family this week. But Death's kiss of slumber was sweeter. A strong woman of strong faith has no fear of Death. She had time to prepared for this. We can truly rejoice in a life fully lived, no longer in it's prime. I'm sorry that I never met her.

And tonight....Death is not an option. We love you too much. Do you have any idea what that would do to your brother? He would feel like he had let you down, that he failed you. Life can be hard. Believe me I know. But with friends & family to help we all get by. Please allow them to help. I'm so sorry that we aren't physically there for you. But Kanga will come out in the Fall to see you. I'm sorry that I won't see you on my trip to Canada.


Bea said...

"There is no returning to the old normal. You find a new normal. But the wound is still there."

How true that is. One thinks it will hurt less... but it does not. We are able to go on and live our life, but the void is just too big.

I'm sorry for your brother's death. Two of my brothers died (one 20 years ago, the other one 16 years ago), and my father died 8 years ago. I know how that feels.

It's during times like that when I'm grateful for my faith. It keeps me going.

Absolutely Feisty said...

A new normal.. I had never thought of it like that.. that is precisely what it is... God forbid I ever have to make a new blog, that is what I shall name it.

I hate when the scab gets picked at too.

Spyder said...

Bea & Feisty- You two know how I feel because you feel it too.