Another joke sent by Mom

I've never seen this one before.


ANOTHER ' OUT OF THE MOUTH OF BABES

Children write about the sea:

1) This is a picture of an octopus.. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)

2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent.. ( Wayne age 7)

4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

5) A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)

6) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean.Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William age 7)

8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. And how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen age 6)

9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.
(Christopher age 7)

11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8)

13) On holidays my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her fat ass. (Jule age 7)

Joke, well maybe closer to the truth than......

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.
'I'd like to be six again,' she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again??'
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you idiot!'
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

WTF?

This is bad in so many ways. Click here for the story. And if that wasn't bad enough here's the last paragraph.

Prosecutors said the victim escaped by running away in 2005. She now loves in the Kansas City area.

WTF? She still in bizniz?????

Can I borrow a cup of Electricity?

I was supposed to plant flowers in our flower boxes tonight. But it wasn't to be. Kanga took his pickup loaded with the weekly trash up our driveway to the north end of our property to our dumpster. Unfortunately he had to drive backward all the way back. A huge tree had fallen across the driveway. Unfortunately it was too far from the house to run our extension cords for my electric chainsaw. We tried using Coleman Powerworks plugged into the pickup to juice up my chainsaw. It just wasn't powerful enough. So I walked over to our neighbor & asked if I could borrow a cup of Electricity. Yup that's what I said to our neighbor to the north of us. We plugged our extension cords together to their outlet. Kanga took a shortcut through the woods to shorten the distance. I cut & he loaded the pickup with the cut wood. I love to use my chainsaw but I had had hoped to get my impatiens planted. Guess I'm being impatient.

The Urinal Is Too High ..

A group of 2nd, 3rd and 4th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack
(Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boy's up one by one holding onto their wee wees to direct the flow. As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the 4th grade."

"No, ma'am, " he replied. "I'm the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the seventh.

I would have said Sugar Smacks!

You Are Fruit Loops

You're very fun loving and easily bored. You need everything in your life to be over the top. You are definitely attracted to shiny and colorful objects. If kids love something, you tend to love it as well. You a very short attention span and are easily distracted. You are likely to eat something very random for breakfast... or forget to eat it at all.

What Kind of Cereal Are You?

Mother's day & more

At the bar last night Logtar said I was the mom of the group! LOL! You can bring my mother's day gifts to the next blogger gathering! :-)

My youngest sibling birthday today. I called Canada to wish her a Happy Birthday. I didn't mention that it was 40 years to her. I'm sure others will. She sounded in good spirits considering her girlfriends got her so drunk last night that she walked home from the bar ( 3 blocks). My brother in law is throwing a surprise family birthday party for her tonight. But her daughter spilled the beans. So she was picking up the house when I called.

Don't forget to call your moms or even better go see her. Mine's 1300 miles away so I will call.